Don't Be A D*ck -- Part 2: "Snow Days"

 

Post #2 in my "Don't be a D*ck" series.

Snow Days!!

Do you remember how awesome and special it was when you were 10 years old and a snow day got called? The snow forts? Popping the can of Quik with the edge of your spoon for microwave hot chocolate in a coffee cup? Uncle Bob Barker and the Price is Right? We all got the gift of not having to deal with teacher's hard books and dirty looks.

For at least a few kids in my school, it meant a day in the back seat of a cold car without lunch. I think that was why back in my day GRPS rarely cancelled school. Kids could come to school and have heat and a hot meal. Maybe. For most of the kids in the district though, it meant having to walk on unshovled sidewalks with hand-me-down, inadequate snow gear--probably just cheap coats and regular shoes. Most of the time, people's children would have to walk IN the streets because at least they would have been plowed.

The thing that really irks me (in the same way that "are people too easily offended" irks me) are the people who say "have we gotten too soft?" What those people call "soft" I call, "being compassionate." An understanding of what is otherwise an extraordinarily complex situation involving unpredictable weather patterns, parents with varying abilities to cope with transportation, caring for kids during work hours, and most importantly, a calculation of risk.

If ONE kid is saved from getting hit by a car walking to school, or if ONE kid doesn't get frostbite because their sweatshirt hoody wasn't enough, than it was worth calling a snow day. If calling a snow day means ONE family doesn't end up in a car wreck, it was worth it.

Planning for possible snow day is par for the course as a parent. We all know they're coming. The people I hear complaining about snow days are generally the people best equipped to deal with them--which is ironic, really. They have access to family, finances, and foresight--three resources to which not all parents have access. Have some compassion for them.

Most importantly is to have compassion for the kids who are literally at the mercy of the world around them and should not be made into victims to meet a quota or to make life more convenient for us. Those kids could be kids whose parents can't clothe them well enough or drive them to school.

AND THEN employers need to realize the "human resources" (yikes, don't get me started on THAT dehumanizing term) they employ could also have little "future resources" at home and have a little compassion for the parents' situations when snow days occur.

You can take your toxic toughness and shove it straight up your ass. People's unwillingness to consider that others are dealing with difficult situations is the "weakness" *I* can't abide. I stand with the meek and helpless who for whatever reason, don't have the gifts of safety or flexibility that yours and my family are able to enjoy. It is not weakness to stay home on a day with a markedly higher chance of injury at the expense of some rich person's profit margin or a manager who hasn't accounted for enough coverage.

Your willingness to put your life at risk at the expense of an unknown child in your local school district is not, "strength." That toughness gets people worn down. That toughness gets people killed. I was thinking of ending this by quoting the bible here. The quote about the meek inheriting the Earth has something to teach us if we can get out of the shadow of our American-ness where we enslave ourselves to a profit-driven work ethic. That toughness gets people worn down. That toughness gets people killed. Maybe not you, but someone. Instead I will quote the voice actor of Optimus Prime telling the story of his brother Larry Cullen, captain in the US Marine Corp:

"Don't be all tough. Be strong enough to be kind. Be strong enough to be gentle."

Don't Be a D*ck -- Part 1: "The Offended Culture"

(First Draft 12/5/24)   

As a culture, have we become inclined to be more sensitive and easily offended?

     From my point of view it seems society has become less inclined to suffer assholes, the ignorant, or      bullies.

     People needs to sit back, open their ears, and do a little self reflection before they speak. Put                 themselves on the other side of their own words with an open heart. It is important to make sure            we're not on the wrong side of the tolerance paradox.

That was a Facebook post I made. It was followed by some interesting comments by friends and family posted below it. Fair points, but some missing the points I was trying to make. I've never been the guy who felt the need to defend my honor. I've never been in a real fist fight because of something someone else said to me or about my mother. The real toughness is the mental fortitude it takes to realize words can't hurt me. It would be weak to lash back out physically or verbally.

But . .  words DO hurt people. That's not hyperbole or weakness. Words have set entire cultures back. Words have led to discriminatory public policies or deeply held cultural--or even religious--beliefs that have harmed generations. We cannot be so fragile as to cling to our old worldview in the light of real information and data that shows the way we communicated and acted in the near and distant past has caused harm. We cannot be so ignorant of the generational effects of the resulting oppression that we write ourselves off as "not responsible" for present day effects. Nor can we hold the people who are rightfully speaking about hurtful speech or policies as "too fragile" or "too offended"  They are the ones seeing a harm and we all need to listen.

Being free to speak does not mean we need to say everything that comes to our mind. Strength of character also means having a level of introspection and compassion for the people around us and their experiences. It takes a bit of effort! Some people walk around feeling entitled to be an asshole and hide under the "freedom of speech" but then begin to whine when they are faced with the consequences of people calling them out for being an asshole. I think my Facebook post made a few people feel "seen" in that uncomfortable, self-reflective way.  

Which brings me to the tolerance paradox. I haven't fully come to terms with the morality of this concept yet, but to sum it up:  If a fully inclusive and free society tolerates those who are intolerant, it risks enabling the eventual domination of that intolerance. It feels to me like people complaining about the easily offended are the intolerant fighting for their domination. (the sympathetic side of me says, hey, they feel personally attacked. That's fair. They're wrong, but their feelings are real) Politically, it feels like those people are "winning." I remember hearing about tens of thousands of Americans dying fighting Nazis. But now people are throwing a fit and threatening the funding of college campuses refusing to host Nazi speakers? That right there is the tolerance paradox and there seems to me to be  only one moral answer.

The people in the public eye I most often see complaining about the coddling of the offended are the people who are the most . . . verbally offensive--condescending--unkind. They are the Bart Simpsons swinging their arms around their body with their eyes closed while shouting, "If I hit you, it's YOUR fault." But I am not unsympathetic. From their point of view, their family values are threatened by LGBTQIA culture. They see their station in life is threatened by the idea of migrant workers and reparations. They see themselves personally attacked for being unthinkingly unkind when just using language that has been acceptable by their social groups in the past.

There are two possible outcomes if we want to have a fair, equitable, accepting, fully-tolerant society. Remove, write off, or segregate the intolerant. (yikes) or teach them--hard as that may be--to become tolerant.

What is the lesson here to mitigate intolerance for an "offended" culture fairly expressing the harm they're seeing? Take responsibility for how your words make others feel. Being offensive is funny to the right audience. Me? I generally err on the side of being self-deprecating. I think that's hilarious.  Being offensive for the sake of hurting the feelings of others or to diminish their personal value, freedoms, and humanity, is a d*ck move. Speak up if you're offended. Ask why that person is finding that offensive and take responsibility for it.  And that's me, not tolerating the intolerant.