(First Draft 12/5/24)
As a culture, have we become inclined to be more sensitive and easily offended?
From my point of view it seems society has become less inclined to suffer assholes, the ignorant, or bullies.
People needs to sit back, open their ears, and do a little self reflection before they speak. Put themselves on the other side of their own words with an open heart. It is important to make sure we're not on the wrong side of the tolerance paradox.
That was a Facebook post I made. It was followed by some interesting comments by friends and family posted below it. Fair points, but some missing the points I was trying to make. I've never been the guy who felt the need to defend my honor. I've never been in a real fist fight because of something someone else said to me or about my mother. The real toughness is the mental fortitude it takes to realize words can't hurt me. It would be weak to lash back out physically or verbally.
That was a Facebook post I made. It was followed by some interesting comments by friends and family posted below it. Fair points, but some missing the points I was trying to make. I've never been the guy who felt the need to defend my honor. I've never been in a real fist fight because of something someone else said to me or about my mother. The real toughness is the mental fortitude it takes to realize words can't hurt me. It would be weak to lash back out physically or verbally.
But . . words DO hurt people. That's not hyperbole or weakness. Words have set entire cultures back. Words have led to discriminatory public policies or deeply held cultural--or even religious--beliefs that have harmed generations. We cannot be so fragile as to cling to our old worldview in the light of real information and data that shows the way we communicated and acted in the near and distant past has caused harm. We cannot be so ignorant of the generational effects of the resulting oppression that we write ourselves off as "not responsible" for present day effects. Nor can we hold the people who are rightfully speaking about hurtful speech or policies as "too fragile" or "too offended" They are the ones seeing a harm and we all need to listen.
Being free to speak does not mean we need to say everything that comes to our mind. Strength of character also means having a level of introspection and compassion for the people around us and their experiences. It takes a bit of effort! Some people walk around feeling entitled to be an asshole and hide under the "freedom of speech" but then begin to whine when they are faced with the consequences of people calling them out for being an asshole. I think my Facebook post made a few people feel "seen" in that uncomfortable, self-reflective way.
Which brings me to the tolerance paradox. I haven't fully come to terms with the morality of this concept yet, but to sum it up: If a fully inclusive and free society tolerates those who are intolerant, it risks enabling the eventual domination of that intolerance. It feels to me like people complaining about the easily offended are the intolerant fighting for their domination. (the sympathetic side of me says, hey, they feel personally attacked. That's fair. They're wrong, but their feelings are real) Politically, it feels like those people are "winning." I remember hearing about tens of thousands of Americans dying fighting Nazis. But now people are throwing a fit and threatening the funding of college campuses refusing to host Nazi speakers? That right there is the tolerance paradox and there seems to me to be only one moral answer.
The people in the public eye I most often see complaining about the coddling of the offended are the people who are the most . . . verbally offensive--condescending--unkind. They are the Bart Simpsons swinging their arms around their body with their eyes closed while shouting, "If I hit you, it's YOUR fault." But I am not unsympathetic. From their point of view, their family values are threatened by LGBTQIA culture. They see their station in life is threatened by the idea of migrant workers and reparations. They see themselves personally attacked for being unthinkingly unkind when just using language that has been acceptable by their social groups in the past.
There are two possible outcomes if we want to have a fair, equitable, accepting, fully-tolerant society. Remove, write off, or segregate the intolerant. (yikes) or teach them--hard as that may be--to become tolerant.
What is the lesson here to mitigate intolerance for an "offended" culture fairly expressing the harm they're seeing? Take responsibility for how your words make others feel. Being offensive is funny to the right audience. Me? I generally err on the side of being self-deprecating. I think that's hilarious. Being offensive for the sake of hurting the feelings of others or to diminish their personal value, freedoms, and humanity, is a d*ck move. Speak up if you're offended. Ask why that person is finding that offensive and take responsibility for it. And that's me, not tolerating the intolerant.
Being free to speak does not mean we need to say everything that comes to our mind. Strength of character also means having a level of introspection and compassion for the people around us and their experiences. It takes a bit of effort! Some people walk around feeling entitled to be an asshole and hide under the "freedom of speech" but then begin to whine when they are faced with the consequences of people calling them out for being an asshole. I think my Facebook post made a few people feel "seen" in that uncomfortable, self-reflective way.
Which brings me to the tolerance paradox. I haven't fully come to terms with the morality of this concept yet, but to sum it up: If a fully inclusive and free society tolerates those who are intolerant, it risks enabling the eventual domination of that intolerance. It feels to me like people complaining about the easily offended are the intolerant fighting for their domination. (the sympathetic side of me says, hey, they feel personally attacked. That's fair. They're wrong, but their feelings are real) Politically, it feels like those people are "winning." I remember hearing about tens of thousands of Americans dying fighting Nazis. But now people are throwing a fit and threatening the funding of college campuses refusing to host Nazi speakers? That right there is the tolerance paradox and there seems to me to be only one moral answer.
The people in the public eye I most often see complaining about the coddling of the offended are the people who are the most . . . verbally offensive--condescending--unkind. They are the Bart Simpsons swinging their arms around their body with their eyes closed while shouting, "If I hit you, it's YOUR fault." But I am not unsympathetic. From their point of view, their family values are threatened by LGBTQIA culture. They see their station in life is threatened by the idea of migrant workers and reparations. They see themselves personally attacked for being unthinkingly unkind when just using language that has been acceptable by their social groups in the past.
There are two possible outcomes if we want to have a fair, equitable, accepting, fully-tolerant society. Remove, write off, or segregate the intolerant. (yikes) or teach them--hard as that may be--to become tolerant.
What is the lesson here to mitigate intolerance for an "offended" culture fairly expressing the harm they're seeing? Take responsibility for how your words make others feel. Being offensive is funny to the right audience. Me? I generally err on the side of being self-deprecating. I think that's hilarious. Being offensive for the sake of hurting the feelings of others or to diminish their personal value, freedoms, and humanity, is a d*ck move. Speak up if you're offended. Ask why that person is finding that offensive and take responsibility for it. And that's me, not tolerating the intolerant.
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